The Hobbit

I cannot wait until The Hobbit comes out in theaters!!  It comes out in 2010!!  If you're like me, and can't wait, here's a fan-made trailer for it.  (Can you tell I really like it now that I can put movies in??) I couldn't decide which I liked best, so I put them both in.  Note:  These are fan-made, as you'll notice because the release dates are completely messed up.

Bad Blogger

I've been a bad blogger.  I haven't blogged recently.  So, I'll post something.  First, DID YOU KNOW???????  That Evan......... sleeps....... with....... his...... SOCKS ON!!!!!!  People don't understand me.  Aliens don't understand me.  Elves don't understand me.  Only the Dwarves are my friends.  (They sleep with those big boots on.)  Uh-oh.  I think I just called all my friends Dwarves.  Sorry folks!  Even though most of you are shorter than me.  (Tee-hee.)   Here's a cool trailer for Prince Caspian! I've seen the other one too, and I think this one's a lot better.

Bugs

Weel, tooday ah've deesayeded too tawk lahk dees ahl day.  No, not really.  Earlier today though, I had quite the run-in.  So, I was sitting around, when suddenly, the fair maiden rushes in, shrieking for help.  "Help, help!  The evil warlords Wasp and Bee are in my palace!"  So, I rolled up my weapon, flicked it around a couple times so it looks cool, and charged into the palace.  Wasp was easy to subdue, a couple of stiff blows turned him into a twitching mass of legs.  Bee was harder to deal with, and it was not until a couple minutes later, that I had destroyed his quickly moving body.  This puts in mind an incident at our cabin.  So, we arrive there, and sleep there one night.  Then, the people who slept in the "littler" room, remarked they'd seen a bug in their room.  So, the whole family tramps in, and sure enough, there's five or six of the little buggers, crawling around the ceiling.  They looked a lot like winged ants, and being the inventive sort that we are, we immediately dubbed them "winged ants".  My mom decides someone had better get rid of them, so she gets the vacuum, unhooks the hose, and looking uncommonly like Indiana Jones, she starts to suck 'em up.  It only took a moment, and my mom gets down, and starts to put the vacuum away again, but then she sees that there's another five or six on the ceiling.  She gets up, and sucks them up again.  Then, one of us spectators remarks that there's a hole in the ceiling.  And, my mom, being the brave sort, sticks the hose right up to the hole, holds it there a few seconds, and then takes it away.  The best way to illustrate what happened next is by something you've probably all seen.  You know in Fellowship of the Ring, that shot where Frodo or someone looks up at the ceiling in Moria and all these Goblins start broiling out of a hole and climbing down the pillars?  That's about it.  In moments, the entire brood of "winged ants" was on the ceiling, the more adventuresome ones dropping onto the floor.  My mom, standing on the bed, and no doubt struggling to suppress the gag reflex, begins to suck them up.  But more came.  And more.  And more.  And more.  It was half an hour or more before they were all in.  Even the Queen joined the party, a big fat bug, upon seeing whom, my mom gave an ejaculation of disgust (Oh YUCK!!) and promptly sucked it into the bag.  When we were done, the bag was humming like a platoon of humming army men was trapped in it.  And to this day, if the cabin is quiet, and the vacuum situated right... you can still hear it humming.    And that... is the Legend of the Winged Ants.     

Woo-hoo, my longest post yet!!! 

An Alarm, and a Concert

Well.  This morning, I had quite the adventure.  My sister and Mom are going to Florida, so I was left alone in the house while everyone else went to take them to the airport.  So there I was, reading my Bible, when I suddenly hear a shrill beeping noise.  So I think, "What on earth is that beeping noise?"  Then, being the clever, debonair, safety-minded person that I am, it suddenly comes to me.  "Oh my word, that's the carbon monoxide warning."  So, I leap up, grab the phone, grab the dog and dash outside.  I called my dad and told him what happened.  Then, he figures out it was his pagers, calling him simultaneously.  I hate pagers.  I mean loathe.  So after my heart rate dropped again, I went back inside.  Then, I gave my first ever bagpipe concert!  Granted, the birds were inattentive and chattered the whole time, and the dogs barked like crazy, but it was still a concert, given from my back porch.  Of course, I did the whole thing in earplugs, but when it was done, I wondered what it sounded like without the earplugs.  I quickly understood why earplugs are advised.  My word, it echoed!  The whole forest seemed to ring with wild skirling of the bagpipe, bellowing out the pibroch of war!  O.K., there's my sentence that sounds like it came from a book.  Which it did.  My book.  I bet you didn't know there are bagpipes in Middle-Earth.  It's true though!

Raymond Smullyan and Logic

I am posting now on Raymond Smullyan, who most of you have probably never heard of.  However, in my opinion, he is one of the most brilliant people in our age.  He is 88-89, and is a logician.   He has written numerous books, all using recreational logic in puzzles.  Many of his puzzles involve Knights, who always tell the truth, and Knaves, who always lie.  Each will make a statement about the other, or the other's statement, or both, which allows you to figure out who's a Knight, and who's a Knave.  He is famous for having created "The hardest logic puzzle ever".  In the land in which it is set, there are humans and vampires.  Sane humans and insane vampires always tell the truth, while insane humans and sane vampires always lie.  In addition, each uses a word ("da" or "bal") for yes or no, but you don't know which is which.  You need to figure out which is yes and which is no, and whether the speaker is a sane or insane human, or a sane or insane vampire.  I highly enjoy his books (even though I never solved the hardest logic puzzle ever) and hope you will look in your library system for some of them as well.

Stephen R. Lawhead

I thought I'd do a post on Stephen R. Lawhead.  He is one of my favorite authors and writes many good books.  He has written The Dragon King Trilogy, The Pendragon Cycle, Empyrion, Dream Thief, The King Raven Trilogy, Song of Albion, The Celtic Crusades and Byzantium.  These are all very well written, though you might want to avoid Byzantium because of some "adult" elements.  I have read (or started to read) all of these books, and I enjoy them very much.  Almost all of his books are highly Celt-focused, with King Arthur (The Pendragon Cycle) and Robin Hood (King Raven Trilogy) are set rather earlier in history then most people think of them.  I haven't finished either of his sci-fi books (Empyrion and Dream Thief), but they were good so far as I read.  Another good book is The Time Machine, by H.G. Wells, who once said, "Poets have been strangely silent on the subject of cheese."  I'll post more later, but now I have to go shovel rock.  Yippee. :(   Ah, well, anything for Mom.

Another Idea!

Ooh! Ooh!  I just had another idea.  I'll write a book about the Battle of Teutoberg Forest, where the Germans destroyed three legions of Romans.  I'll call it Arminius, after the German commander.  Now all my books will be historical fiction.  (O.K. maybe not.) I'll be the next G.A. Henty!  You can all call me E.T. Johnson!

Corruption of Nine

For those of you who didn't know, I'm writing a book.  It is called Corruption of Nine and I have no intentions of publishing it.  Ever.  Now that I've gotten rid of the Tolkien Society guys, I'll tell you about it.  It is set in Middle-Earth, before the Ringwraiths became that way.  It talks briefly about their way of life, then goes into them getting the rings and their reactions to them.  There will be twelve chapters in all.  There will be a Prologue sort of chapter, then one chapter for each of the wraiths, then an Epilogue.  I admit I have taken some license with making stuff up, but where's the fun in writing if you just make stuff up?  Once all the chapters are written and edited, I'll put them on a different blog, where you can read them.  I also have an idea of my next book.  Those of you who were wondering, I've sort of scrapped the Second Age idea, or at least put it up on a shelf.  My next book will most likely be a historical fiction.  I'm considering my options but am thinking of one set in England, called Lindisfarne and based on the Viking raid on that monastery.  Other choices would be the Battle of Lake Peipus, fought on a frozen lake, where the Novgorodian Russians routed the Teutonic Knights.  I would call this one.... Red Ice.  In all probability, I'll do them both, just at separate times.  E-mail me if you have a good idea for a historical fiction book!

Disgusting Facts about Me

I do something that makes a lot of people (some might even say all "normal" people) flee in revulsion, struggling to suppress their gag reflexes.  I.... drink.... What?  What?  Lard?  Worse.  Lymph? Worse yet.  I drink.... WARM MILK!!!!!!  Yes it's true.  I have since I was a little kid.  It's gotten a little better over the years.  When I was four and five, I wouldn't drink milk unless it was warmed up in the microwave.  Now, I only do it when I'm sick and my throat hurts.  However, I still like my milk better room temperature rather than ice cold.  And.... I probably now have no one reading my blog anymore.  NO!!! COME BACK!!!!  It's not THAT gross!!  Try some!  Try it! Try it! Now!  

Mother's day, Killer Bunnies, and Decimation

Today is Mother's day.  When I woke up, I found my mother already up and working on breakfast.  I said, "Mom it's Mother's day!  Go back to bed!"  But she didn't.  And my stomach was grateful.  Anyways, after that we went to our church, Bethlehem Baptist.  My mom and dad went up front with Marcus and Zoe.  The pastor stood up and started talking about "baby decimation."  What an inhuman practice!!!  I would understand baby consecration or something like that, but baby decimation!?!?!?  Needless to say, I was quite shocked, and availed myself of the trash receptacles when I became quite ill at them saying that.  Thankfully, there was no baby decimation.  My mom was talking later about how nice the baby dedication was, and I stared at her blankly.  What was she talking about?????  In the end, we had our extended family over for a brunch (mom made scones!!)  Afterwards, we gave Mom presents.  I got her a game called Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot, which she's wanted for a while.  It's.... well.... odd, to say the least.    "Good King Wenceslas came down...."  Sorry, I'm listening to music, and I love this song.  It's a cool rock version of it, with a synthesizer and stuff.  I guess I'd better publish this.

Playing Bagpipes is HARD!!

The title just about says it all.  A friend once burst out laughing when I played for him, saying that my face "got red all over."  It sure looks easy when the band is playing, but it's not.  I spent about a month blowing into a bag that WASN'T MAKING ANY NOISE!!!!!  In fact, the MPPB has a higher dropout rate then the Green Berets in the U.S. Army!  Am I quitting?  No way!  (At least, not after I forked out a LOT of money to get those bagpipes.)  However, the initial cost is cheap.  Lessons are free, and the practice chanter (see below) is only $60.  So join a bagpipe band today, and make the world that much more Scottish!!  

My Band

The Pipe band I'm associated with is the Minnesota Police Pipe Band, or the MPPB.  This is a police band, but, no, you don't have to be a police officer to join.  I think we have one police officer in our band of thirty some people.  Our uniform is:  Long white foofy socks.  (They have a Scottish name, but I haven't the foggiest idea what it is.)  Ghillie Brogues.  These are the shoes we wear.  A kilt.  A white shirt, and over that a vest, and over that a suit top.  Finally, if the weather is rainy (like today) we wear an Inverness Cape.  We also wear a sporran the "purse" as some derogatory people call it.  If you want to visit their site, it's www.mppb.org   Don't go put a .com at the end of that.  That's some bizarre site, that has nothing to do with bagpipes.  Also, ignore the MO at the bottom.  That's the Member's Only part.  I could tell you, but then I'd have to blow your eardrums out with my pipes.

Everything you wanted (or didn't want) to know about Bagpipes

I guess I'd better post on bagpipes.  Bagpipes are composed of four major parts, the bag, the drones, the chanter and the blowpipe.  The bag is rather self-evident.  The drones are the three large pipes that come out of the bag and rest on a person's shoulder.  There are two tenor drones, which play one octave below "A" on the chanter, and one bass drone, which plays two octaves below "A".  The chanter is where someone places their fingers.  The blowpipe is what you blow into.  On the chanter, there are eight holes, which can play nine notes.  In addition to these nine "melody" notes, there are three gracenotes, played by quickly lifting a finger.  These are the "G", "E" and "D" gracenotes.  These gracenotes are further combined into movements, such as doublings, taorluaths, leumluaths, D throws, birls, darados and others.  There are two main styles of music, the pibrocreachd, or Ceol Mor, which is the War Music, and the "Dance" music.  Not all "Dance" music is actually danced to though.  This music is divided into numerous sub-genres, some of which are, marches, reels, jigs and strathspeys.  Here's some pictures of bagpipes.

War, Gaming, and Wargaming

I am interested in warfare.  Reading about it and waging it.  Not big battles of course.  Mostly, me and my friends beating on each other with sticks.  To those of you who think war isn't good, I have a quote for you.  

War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things.  The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse.  The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.  

-John Stuart Mill (1806-1873)

I agree with this quote completely, and would uphold it anywhere.  

I also like gaming.  I play board games often, and have lots of them at home.  But then, one day, I thought to myself, "Why don't they make board games about war?"  Not like Risk or Stratego, but really down in it, your men are all in front of you, games.  So, I look into it, and lo and behold, they make such things, aptly named Wargames.  These are divided into two categories.  First, there are "regimental" wargames, where I have a square piece of cardboard and it represents a regiment and two calvary squads.  These games mostly focus on a large area, such as the Western Front, or the Campaigns of Alexander the Great.   Then there's the second kind, which I mean to play.  This is "miniature" wargames, where each man is in front of you, on its own base.  This makes it harder to play huge battles, but that hasn't stopped some fanatics from playing the entire battle of Waterloo!!  I might write more about this at a later time, but that's all for now!

My Picture

I changed the picture of myself, if you didn't notice.  Some people have scoffed at me ever looking like that, but I will.  I'm not cutting my hair (except maybe as a clean-up) until it reaches my shoulders.  Someone (dad!) commented that the Bible says "Long hair is the glory of a woman".  However, I countered this with, "Well, look at the Nazrites!"  Granted, I'm not taking a vow or anything, but I am growing my hair out.  So, I will look like that picture, eventually.  

The Whole Nine Yards!

Well, here we go.  This is my first blog post!  I guess I should explain my title.  The Whole Nine Yards is an expression we use to mean "all of it".  However, it originally came from Scotland, where kilts were nine yards long.  To ask to be given the whole nine yards on a kilt meant you were not to be shortchanged on anything, that you want the kilt, the whole kilt and nothing but the kilt.  So help me God.  To the Scottish illiterate, the kilt is the "skirt" they wear.  (I actually find that term highly offensive.)  No, it is not the past tense of kill.  In this blog, I'll post on just about anything, from war to bagpipes, from writing my book (ooh, you weren't supposed to see that one) to jokes and clever satire.  Or something like that.  Anyway, enjoy the whole nine yards, where you won't get shortchanged on kilts.  Ever.  Mostly because I don't sell kilts.